This is my story of my messed up ex

I have been to therapy fixed myself i feel much better now but i wanted to post my whole story cuz to show u guys how fucked in the head my ex is i cant believe this is a real human like actually lmfao. I have read storys but i dont think people behaved this extreme like my ex. Context she wanted children cuz she was desperate her biological clock is running out here is my story for u to put ur input.
I did stupid shit i gave her another chance after the death threats cuz it was my first real realtionship.

I had a short but very intense relationship lasting about 3 months (it ended around 8 months ago). I was 24 and she was 29. It started with strong chemistry and rapid emotional and physical closeness, but early on it developed into a clear push–pull dynamic.

Dynamics in the relationship
When conflicts arose, I often tried to address them calmly and constructively. This was frequently met with:
minimization or irritation
silence/ignoring
emotional shutdown
punishing behavior (including turning off Snap Map after arguments)
little or no real accountability
The relationship was marked by a hot-and-cold dynamic. The signs were there early — already after the first date she wanted to pull away, even though the date had gone well. She said things like “I want to protect you from getting hurt.” This pattern continued throughout the relationship:
one day I was “completely right” for her, the next day I suddenly wasn’t good enough. She always had to have the power, and only her needs seemed relevant. She put herself on a pedestal, but behind the facade I could see she was insecure.
She could go from being extremely close and invested (150%) to cold and distant (10%) without explanation.
I also experienced constant criticism and shifting expectations:
She tried to change me (“you need to do this, you need to become like this”).
One concrete example was finances: I tried to save money the way she wanted, but it was never good enough.
Whenever I improved one thing, the goalposts were moved and something new was criticized.
She also said cruel things about me, but over time I realized that much of it came from her own insecurity, not from objective flaws in me.
This made me:
feel like I had to fight for my worth
walk on eggshells to avoid triggering her
never know which version of myself was “right”
become more and more insecure about myself
At the same time, I supported her a lot emotionally. She said she was depressed, and I was there for her. She also talked about childhood trauma. She said she appreciated my support. Still, I repeatedly experienced being hurt and emotionally damaged.
In addition, she sometimes devalued my qualities, while other times she appreciated them. Eventually I realized this inconsistency reflected her own insecurity.

Serious incidents
Earlier in the relationship, she made threats of violence/death in the heat of the moment. This made me feel unsafe. A female friend supported me and helped me set boundaries.
After that, she took on a victim role — crying, saying she couldn’t trust me, and using this as justification for emotional punishment and control.
That’s why I pulled away the first time, because she believed I had to “earn back” her trust. But then her feelings resurfaced and she said she wanted to try again. She also said she was afraid of attachment. Yet only 4 weeks later, after our honeymoon phase, she still broke up with me.

The breakup
The breakup was confusing and happened suddenly.
After an argument, she called me and said extremely hurtful things during an angry outburst, including threatening to contact my mother. Afterwards she apologized and said, “Sorry, I have anger issues,” but she still ended the relationship.
She gave me an ultimatum:
“Friends or nothing.”
I took her at her word and withdrew completely and removed her off snap.Then she suddenly expressed how much I had meant to her, that she was going to miss me, that it hurt, that she hadn’t been intimate with anyone in a long time, and that she wanted contact.
It felt like she only ended things because I got too close to her, and she couldn’t tolerate emotional intimacy.

The time after the breakup
After the breakup, she repeatedly initiated contact and asked to meet.
I said no, because I needed distance and peace.
This led to:
anger from her side
cruel and degrading comments on FaceTime
statements that I meant nothing to her
personal and sexual humiliation
This felt like punishment for setting boundaries.

Jealousy games and escalation
Afterwards:
she did what I experienced as deliberate jealousy games
she constantly tried to trigger me emotionally
I tried several times to explain that her intentions felt harmful. This was minimized (“I was just joking”), or dismissed with comments like:
“I don’t understand you, good night.”
After a long time of not feeling heard, I eventually exploded in a rant where I said harsh things like i said she justs wants validation put mirror in front of her
Responsibility and aftermath
She took no real accountability for her part in the dynamic. A typical response was:
“Sorry you feel that way.” I have been alone my entire life i will be able to do it also. Why deflecting on my reaction even tho she legit pushed
Later, I took responsibility for my own part, apologized, and sent a conciliatory message a few weeks after the breakup. It was ignored, and 3 weeks later I was blocked on Snapchat, even though we no longer had each other on snap cuz i removed her on break up day.