do not do benzos

hi its quick reminder to do not use this benzo shit im sober 3 months after 4 years od pure agony done by this fuckasses. long story short im 16 and when i was 12 years old my buddy and i got xanax in our hands. it was feeling like pure haven i coud sit on lessons all day and not getting bored (when i was bored at school i woud go skip classes and i skipped it a lot) so i was thinking that its good for me becouse my grades wherent that bad an i was geting frecfetion on the lessons of corse for a short period of time i went like that for full 7 grade (im from poland idk how many years you have wen you are in 7 grade at your country) at that point i started losseing my memory but it was not very bad so i pissed on this and didint care about it. in 8 grade i started to do this regular (like 3/4 times a week) of corse in combintion whit other drugs. in poland 8 grade is time when you choose your highschool i was lucky my gradma whas a princypal in private one, when i got there things started getting out of control i meet one buddy from 3 grade of high schol (in poland we have 4 grades there) he was benzo addict to at the same time i met a girl girl from my dreams she was the best fucking thing that happed to my in this god damn life (of corse i didint see that but we will get to that leater). of corse she didint want me to do this type stuff she was trying to get me out of my patologic life she was there when i get kicked out of my house after i went to bed in full clothes (it was very cold winter) and fall asleep when my mom walked in to my room she tried to undress my from this and by acident form my pocket fell out 4 jars of xans she tried to wake my up but i was so high she coud not wake my up. after this my ex girl got my place to sleep over night (in a staircase but it was warm and no one woud walk there) the next day i was not aware off enythig that happend i came back to home and my paretns at first dont want my there but i didint have my benzos so i begged them to let me in for a second i didint foud them so i grabed my sisters piggybank and sneek it out of the house. i was homeless for 2 weeks when i was 14 and now i was going to say what happed in next 2 years but i dont remember a fucking thing so much of what im going to write its frome stories that my ex told me idk what is time line here so im going to write it in totaly random one there was a situation that involved police i was so high that i passed out in tram they tried to wake my up for 30 mins straight i didint get up so they called a abulace they tested my whit breathalyser (of corse nothing came out ) so they just drove my back home other time when i was super high i came to my girls house her paretns was home at the time so probably somthing trigered my so much that i was screaming at her her mother and beat the shit out her stepfather i spited on the flor and came out of there. in that point she broke up whit my dumbass so idk what else happed in that period of full on destruction it was probably november i woke up somthing about january right before going to rehab i was there for month and escaped i was 3 week home and i started to doing this shit agein to point when i just OD it and had to go to mentalhospital i was 3 weeks there after i got out my parents found another rehab for me i was there another month and i escaped again. and now im here im 3 motnhs sober and im trying to live normal life now. today i suffer from full on depresion and suicade thoughts every day is survival but im not going back to this shit meaby im not have to go on another rehab please tell my what to do to fell beater im going to lose this batlle again.