It's not just the sadness, it's the fury

It’s not just the sadness or the exhaustion that overwhelms me.

It’s the fury.

Inside there’s the storm of emotions; sadness, guilt, anxiety, stress.

But more and more, it is rage that fills me.

Fuck, I’m so mad.

I want to tear walls down, rip doors from hinges, smash windows, scream from the depths of my soul.

Why did this happen to her?

Why?

What did she do to have THIS handed to her?

This horrible, brutal, relentless fate that she doesn’t deserved.

This monster’s been snatching bits of mom for years, a monster I can’t see, can’t touch, can’t slay.

It just gets to do this.

There’s no recourse…nothing we can do, we’re helpless. Forced to watch this happen, never able to look away, change the channel, stop the flood.

It’s not just that she’s been stolen away, but it’s what’s been stolen from her.

The life she was living, the love she shared, the mom she used to be.

After giving and giving so much to my sister and I, to my father for years before they divorced, to the community she served as a Justice of the Peace…THIS, Dementia, was her path.

She should be enjoying retirement, reading books she loves, laughing with us, travelling to places she’s never been.

But, no.

She is locked inside a nightmare.

And I’m so fucking mad.

~A (from my SS)