My ADHD-inattentive diagnosis was hidden from me. Now I may be AuDHD too and feel lost. (+dyslexic)

Hello everyone,

I’m a 24m from the Netherlands. About a year ago I found out that I had been diagnosed with ADHD inattentive type as a child, but my parents never really told me. They only told me about my dyslexia because they “didn’t want to put a label on me.”

I understand they may have meant well, but it meant I spent most of my life struggling without the right explanation or support. I always felt different and often thought I was lazy, inconsistent, too sensitive, too chaotic, or not disciplined enough.

After finding out, I started ADHD medication, built better routines, and did a lot of research. The medication helped me feel more stable and functional, but I still burned out twice. It felt like ADHD and dyslexia explained part of the problem, but not the full picture.

I have always struggled socially, with friendships, relationships, school, motivation, emotional overload, and periods of depression/burnout. I masked a lot and seemed more functional on the outside than I felt on the inside.

Recently I had a consultation with a psychiatrist who thought high-masking autism underneath the ADHD was likely. After that, I did three major autism/masking tests, and all pointed strongly toward autism. I know tests are not a formal diagnosis, but the results fit my life more than I expected. The waiting time for a formal autism assessment here is around 250 days.

My experience feels like a mix of:

ADHD inattentive: poor working memory, difficulty starting tasks, mental fog, inconsistent energy, needing pressure to act, and getting overwhelmed easily.

Dyslexia: slower reading/writing, language mistakes, needing more time to process text, but also strong visual thinking.

Likely autism / AuDHD: masking, analysing people instead of naturally understanding social situations, needing structure, sensory/mental overload, difficulty with unstructured life, and feeling socially exhausted even when I can understand people well.

The confusing part is that I don’t fully fit the stereotype of autism. I can be socially aware, understand people, and put myself in someone else’s shoes. But I often do this through analysis, observation, and pattern recognition. It feels like I learned to read people by constantly monitoring behaviour, partly to protect myself.

Now that I mask less, I actually notice my social struggles more. Things I used to push through are harder to ignore.

I’m not asking Reddit to diagnose me. I’m looking for advice from people with AuDHD, especially people who found out late or first knew about ADHD/dyslexia and discovered autism later.

My main questions are:

1. How did you deal with the identity shock of finding out late?
2. What helped while waiting for a formal diagnosis?
3. How do you separate ADHD traits from autistic traits?
4. Did meds/routines help but still not solve the full problem?
5. Did anyone else feel “too socially aware” to be autistic, but later realise they were masking and analysing everything?
6. Did social life become harder after masking less?

Any advice, experiences, or resources would be appreciated.