My wife confirmed my worst fear.

I first brought up the subject of our dead bedroom last August, and she agreed that in future she'd try to initiate more. After six months without any initiation at all, I brought it up a second time, and suggested that we spend a few minutes cuddling in bed each evening as a way to establish comfort with physical closeness again. Then, after another three months, I suggested that we look into a more involved process - that we look at possible plans for how to deal with our DB, set an evening each week for us to chat about how things are going, and so forth.

In response, my wife made it clear that she feels no sexual desire for me. Initially, she told me that this was a consequence of having a child and a job, but as we continued discussing things, she said that she found herself still handling the majority of the mental load, and that she doesn't ever expect to feel attraction to me as long as the mental load exists.

The problem here is that there is a hard upper limit on what I can do, because I'm diagnosed ADHD. And as far as I can tell, I'm close to hitting that limit already. Because my memory is badly flawed, I rely heavily on reminders, and so I do a lot of the routine things that need to be done - shopping, cooking, cleaning up, getting our child to school. But I'll never be able to take on the mental load and cover it to the standard my wife would expect, and so there will always be a blocker on her feeling any attraction to me.

It's my worst nightmare: open and clear confirmation that there is something fundamental about me which makes it impossible for my wife to find me attractive. And she has made it clear that she does not see the point in any attempt to rebuild her ability to feel attraction. Based on that conversation, I don't see any reason to believe I will feel desired at any point in the rest of my life.