I need to talk about my confusion...

I'm 28, sissy hypno and bbc (and also bwc) addict since i was 18.

I'm a kissless virgin.

I watch sissy hypno since i was 16, more or less.

I'm trying to quit since i was 18, but i always relapsed.

When i'm in "horny mode" i'm a sissy, i feel like i wanna be a girl, like i feel a lot of femininity that wants to come out...

but if i cum, then post nut clarity hits and i wanna be a straight guy again...

4 days ago i relapsed after (again) a week of NoFap, then two days ago i relapsed again (i ended up looking at my favourite porn actor - a male one - almost without noticing i was relapsing) and yesterday i was at the gym and i got very, very strong urges 'cause i was looking at girls there and i wanted their bodies, their ass...

I don't know what to do. I need to talk with someone (if you want, my dms are open).

Thanks!