hEDS & C-PTSD/dissociation

Sorry for the vent, but I figured it might be okay here.

I feel like my hEDS is getting in the way of my C-PTSD & dissociative disorder treatment. Part of that treatment is basic grounding back into my body, but the problem there is that I'm in agony when I'm not in my usual mildly dissociated state. Whenever I ground back into my body, it just hurts so bad, my mind kind of just hits this wall and shrinks back further into itself where it doesn't hurt anymore.

Kinda laughable cause when I'm dissociated, I don't really feel anything. Thought I had a super high pain tolerance until I started feeling safer and developing better grounding techniques, and back then the pain I was feeling was tolerable and normal to me, so I didn't even really think about it much. Joke's on me, I guess.

As I've gotten older, the pain's gotten worse. I've been speaking to my doctors about it and making progress on the treatment front, but I dunno, it just sucks. Used to mostly just be my jaw and lower back that hurt ever since I was a kid, but I've started experiencing subluxations multiple times a day, and it's not from doing anything particularly vigorous. One time I kinda just swallowed and my jaw subluxed.

It's been making progress on the mental health front decline - a lot of the time I can't leave my house because it's just so bad, and it keeps me up when I'm not hazy and off in another world, which makes attending appointments hell. I'm always either in this half-reality where it only sorta hurts, or I'm in full hi-def reality and it feels like my body's going Defcon 1. Never occurred to me that if it still hurt when I was heavily dissociated that it'd be agony when I wasn't.

I want to be able to inhabit my body, that'd be great stuff. But it's just so upsetting and feels so unfair to have this double-bind scenario where I'm damned if I do & damned if I don't.