Losing hope

As a sub man I've just been feeling really shitty lately due to constant rejection and I'm trying not to let it affect my outlook on life and potential domme / sub relationships

Honestly i think very highly of domme women and I have the utmost respect for them. I have respect for just about anyone in a vulnerable position in the bdsm community, especially when they are subject to harassment and marginalization. A big thing to keep in mind is my make privilege and how often voicing my greivances will kind of inevitably center my concerns as a man over their more pressing ones.

Overall I don't know how to be attractive or get any attention despite being in my early 30s and it just feels like I'm perceived as a monster and unattractive to them sometimes

I've gone to munches, tried reaching out to dommes and even posted on personals and it's always just total silence and cutting conversations short or ghosting me.

I am trying to exercise but I still don't have any muscles or the perfect body I want to have I just feel so skinny and useless. I've also been trying to work harder to live a little more comfortably but I feel stuck with this low pay and very little time. I could hardly afford to take a domme out and treat her right. I work constantly yet im broke and I fear it's hindering my attraction.

Another issue, which might be the biggest is I'm not as confident as I want to be. And I want to improve upon my social skills but I just feel like even when I sound comfortable they can sense in their bones that I'm forcing it or feel down that I'm afraid. I believe that women generally respond to confidence and emotion. If you intellectualize everything like I do, pause to think and can't just relax and generate feelings for chemistry it's an instant turn off in a man

I genuinely want to have a constructive mindset and I don't blame dommes for having preferences or high standards of course

But I'm wondering if any of you battle with depression due to continuous rejection and feeling unloved at times or negative thoughts that just won't go away even when you try your best to be positive?