Drinking/ ADHD

So aged 32m, diagnosed ADHD and Unfortunately always had a unhealthy relationship with Alcohol and substance if I drink. Never been one to carry on for days, but when i Drink, i binge.

Started really drinking properly when i went to University, and I have always got too drunk and had fights/ done stupid stuff which is from drink.

I enjoy a drink with my friends, but lately over the past 3-4 years progressively got worse and to the point I am in auto pilot mode and blacking out most nights I drink.

I need advice. Part of me loves the idea of stopping, but the other is terrified of living a life without that part.

I miss being able to control it and its never just one.