10 years working for traditional parents — blowups happen about yearly, last one hurt because we were finally improving. How do I break the cycle?

TL;DR: Early 30s, liberal-educated, 10 years in our family business with very traditional parents. We have a big blowup about once a year (late 20s were worse). Things were finally getting better, so last month's fight with my mom over a last-minute report stung more. Now we live together and I only say hi. How do I actually break the cycle and rebuild the working relationship?

I'm early 30s, liberal-educated, working for my very traditional parents in our family business. I've been here almost a decade.

The core tension is always the same: for them respect = don't talk back, say yes, stay until it's done. For me respect = clear expectations and boundaries.

I keep messing up the basics, and when they call me out I either snap or shut down. It's not one fight, it's a loop. We have a big blowup about once a year. My late 20s were a lot worse. Things have actually been getting better, which is why the last one hit hard.

Example from last month:

About two months ago I finished a long-term project update and left the full written report on my mom's desk (she's also my direct boss). It sat there for about three weeks because she was swamped.

Then about a month ago she asked for a verbal report with updates to the current moment, same day. I worked on it and finished around 5pm. I told her I had to leave and I had the written report ready, I could hand it in and give the full verbal tomorrow. She said no, she wanted it now, in person.

I got frustrated because the report had been on her desk for weeks and suddenly it was urgent on my time. We argued. She said when I commit, I stay until it's done. I said "okay" reluctantly. She heard my tone, asked what I wanted to say, and I told her it was frustrating. She quizzed me on specifics. I didn't have the exact number memorized but I knew the trends and reductions, and the data was already in the report she had. She got furious, called in other staff to witness, said I didn't know my work. I said I knew the content, just not the exact format she wanted right then. Neither of us yielded.

Now we live together and I avoid her except a morning hi. I'm not angry, I'm scared it'll happen again and I'll react the same way.

I don't want to avoid my mom to keep peace at work. I want to level up and actually want to work with her.

For people who've broken a yearly cycle with family at work: what actually reset things after a blowup? How do you handle last-minute "now" demands when the work was already delivered? How do you set a time boundary without it reading as disrespect in a traditional family? And how do you start normal conversation again when you're both walking on eggshells?

Thanks for reading.