Important fact when you are discarded

I want to share what happened to me to help others going through a similar experience.

I started developing a friendship with a business owner. What he did was illegal and took his own identity and time to manage. He displayed red flags early on and showed emotional unavailability for romantic relationships. There was the belief I had that friendship would be safe. It isn't a good idea to date him.

Daily texting started, check ins through out the day. I noted I don't text my friends this much but I was enjoying the conversation and I liked who he was as a person. Maybe he texts his friends daily. His life displays as very chaotic and he gets in his own way a lot. He stated he was an avoidant, workaholic and depressive. Through that he continues to maintain contact with me for 6 months.

He developed a consistent pattern with me. You need consistency to build a foundation. I mentioned I can be anxious but have worked on myself on being more secure. If anything I need to work on leave space in my relationships for other people.

It worked well. He would usually ended the conversations or be the one to not respond to me for 24 hours. It didn't bother me. I knew he had a hectic life and he would get back to me when he could.

The shift happened, refusing to pick up my call, told me he would call me back. He didn't. The lack of response to my bids when I spoke about my life, ignoring my questions and not responding to me for the day if I initialed messages more often.

He shared an issue one of his friends was having. I shared a guide on how to deal with my anxious attachment and potential triggers maybe he could help his friend. Up to this one the longest he didn't message was 24 hours.

That was the message he decided to not respond for 72 hours. Did he realize how vulnerable that message was about my inner works and decided this was the time to drop the bomb? Maybe. All I know he decided to make a major shift and it threw me off really hard

Realized maybe I should take breath and step back. My anxiety is really high now this new to me. My anxious attachment never gets triggered by friends as they naturally check in and respond in timely manner. None of my friends take more than 24 hours to respond.

When he came back 3 days later, the excuse of being the busiest he ever been (he always busy, there's always a work emergency). He attempted to continue the conversation about his friend.

I didn't have anything to say so I didn't respond to his message. He acknowledged the disappearing act when he noticed the energy shift claiming his therapist to told him to disconnect and he had to settle things in his life.

I attempted to bring up my feelings, he controlled the conversation and changed the topic to work. I am dismissed. At the moment I was trying to express how I felt a serious infraction at work happened. Police are involved, someone is arrested.

I wanted to let it go but it was bothering me. All I wanted was to express my feelings about him disappearing. He had trouble understanding as everyone else in his life is understanding when he disappears for days into is hectic life.

I attempted to bring it up again. I am hit with attitude and ice. I am dismissed. I try to keep it to "I" messages, he's doing "you" messages. I don't understand him, he needs to protect his workers, his life isn't rainbows.

I am stoned walled, he removed himself from all shared group chats. The irony of it, if he picked up the phone. I wanted to express that I wanted a few days of no contact as it seemed he was at an emotional capacity for me. I wanted to ask him what he needs from me when he is feeling overwhelmed.

He decided aggression and blaming me was the better route. While this is a long story I am not looking for reasons or sympathy. People who want to be mean don't waste your breath.

I want to remind those who get discarded.

It isn't your fault. It isn't a reflection of you. You are a loveable and wonderful person

Some people are too busy getting in their own way. It's sad. People like him, I think they like being victims. They like the chaos and the disillusioned of no control. That allows them to not be accountable for their actions.

They need to keep swallowing poison to stay that way. They push away the rainbows because storm clouds for their narrative. They can't be happy because what was the point of all that trauma that was inflicted on them

Remember you are the rainbow, you swallow the sunshine. Sometimes your light is too bright for those who don't know how to handle it.

I wish him the best. I want him to be happy. I can still care and love him from a distance.

Shitty people do shitty things because they feel shitty about themselves. It isn't a reflection on your worth.