Who else majorly struggles with avoidance to the point that it goes beyond just avoiding places or people, but even your personal behaviour?

Hard to properly word what im trying to describe. My avoidance seems to come from a kind of comfort of keeping my head in the sand willfully.. and its the most self destructive aspect of my anxiety that keeps me rooted in shit places of my life moreso than any other kind of anxiety I feel. I can overcome social anxiety with enough positive self talk, ive learned how to combat my health anxiety through sheer exposure to many events where I felt I would definitely die this time, but never actually did, this shit is much more insidious though.

It feels as if a part of me that is more powerful than the rest of my mind, and it keeps me stuck. Some smaller and more relatable examples are things like not checking my bank balance because id rather just not know if im as broke as I worry that I am, and there's a comfort in the not knowing. Another is that feeling of when you have a crush on somebody and there's comfort in the not taking the risk and not knowing if they like you back or not, because at least then you still have that fantasy and possibility.

Now in my 30s it has morphed into behaviour that seems completely illogical, even moreso than previous examples. Im currently putting more weight on, and i have a sneaking suspicion that its a medication I started to take a few months back, but I cant bring myself to google if its a common side effect or even ask a doctor, because maybe similarly to the fantasy aspect if I find out it isnt a side effect and that its just me being a lazy slob and eating poorly (which i am) then I have to face that reality head on, and its nicer to just be in the comfortable it might not be my fault zone.

Another is even checking my reddit replies, and i will very likely never check the responses to even this post. If I dont see negative feedback, it cant exist right? The problem is obvious logically, ill never take steps to fix my problems or move forward in life because I refuse to truly see reality. Its like a schrodinger's cat situation in a way.

Its dumb, im dumb, I could ramble on but I suppose im just venting for now and maybe others can relate and feel less alone. Where you at my fellow Ostrich people? Probably, like me, with your heads buried in the sand, so we will never meet, but I hope we all drag our heads out one day and realise it aint all so bad really.