Need anxiety meds

I was prescribed xanax , alprazolam 8 mg daily for approx 20 years. Dr took me of them 7 yrs ago. Now my anxiety is through th roof, i dont leave my bedroom . Thought i would get better , tried numerous SSRI,"s and CBT, to NO AVAIL. , I missef out on spending the last year of my mums life because im so ill at thought of leaving my room, now i hate myself bc im doing th same with my dad. He worries that i dont leave my room hes 73 and i just want to b able to spend some time with him . Can Anyone pls help point me in the right direction soo i can buy some , genuine alprazolam, clonazepam , loazepam or even diayepam . Im so scared that ill end up repeating the way i hid from my own mum( who btw was the most amazing mother ever RIP MUM. I LOVE U), bc of my RIDICULOUSLY INTENSE anxiety .Its absolutely debilitating. Pls can some one help me, i live in Australia .Thankyou 4 taking time to read.