Can’t do this anymore.

Hello.

Recently I reached out to the world, offering my first night to whoever could pay for it.

I suppose I should explain the reason behind such request now that I can.

I come from a poor family. Shocking, I know, perhaps not the most original thing to say but I feel like I must open with that.

Growing up, I was told that with effort, a good career, a good job, and working tirelessly I would one day see results and have a brilliant future. So I worked, I studied, I did everything I was told. I won awards, I studied a second language and became an expert at it.

Tragedy struck in the form of cancer, hitting the one person it shouldn't. My mother.

The world didnt stop with the beatings, because soon as she was diagnosed, my deadbeat father took off and left. No word, no contact, simply vanished. And all my dreams of a career or going to college left with him as now I had a family and a dying mother to take care of.

You'll probably ask if I ever tried government help or donations and believe me, I did. I exhausted all my options but nothing was ever enough.

So I kept working, taking small gigs, taking part time jobs, moving heaven and earth for my family. Alas, a woman in South America without a degree or contacts might as well be invisible.

Over the years, I have sold most of what mattered to me. Clothes, jewelry, furniture, some vintage toys that turned out to be collectibles, and I was able to keep this ship floating for a while.

And apparently comedy isn't the only thing that comes in threes, because tragedy struck again taking my sister away and leaving us with a baby boy to care for.

Just to afford surviving and paying off the hospital, we took a mortgage. 80k USD.

At the time, I had a decent job that was helping pay for it but then COVID hit and I was let go. The world entered recession again, my country got hit with a criminal wave I had never seen before- death and shootings wherever you went!- and I was back to square one.

Now June is breathing on my neck, with only $7,98 to my name. A child that needs to go to school, a mother that needs her medicine, the bank calling me letting me know they will take the house, and social services preparing to take my nephew away.

My last resort was to sell myself. One night, one virginity to give. I have been trying for months and all I have found is that men love to give you hope and then curb stomp you like you haven't suffered enough.

One user reached out to me. From NYC. Was very "serious" about this purchase and offered me 30k, but the days went by and it doesn't seem like he ever was.

If by June I can't meet at least 6k, we will be forced out, and they will take little Luis to a home. And trust me, I would rather be beaten to death than to see my nephew go to those places where we all know what happens to little children. ​

I'm desperate, thinking about ending it all and taking the cowards way out. And perhaps I might.

I constantly think about all the things I’m going to miss. My nephew graduating, my cats growing up and having happy lives, my mom growing old, so many movies I wanted to watch next year, a couple of good friends overseas I will be leaving behind without explanations… all that and my catholic upbringing is what stops me from doing it, but I have reached my limit.

June 1st all debts will be calling and for once in my life, I don’t have a way to solve them.

I wish I could be a child again. I wish I didn’t feel so abandoned, I wish dad hadn’t left us. I wish I could’ve gone to college.

I just want this pain to end.