Lowkey lost at this point

I am tired of the dynamic my family has. My dad and my mom are separated. I feel numb most of the time but get so easily triggered by my mom. She calls me dumb when I do not know how something works, she calls me stupid when she tells me to write something and I double check to make sure it is correct. When I say triggered I mean breaking down easily.

If she wants me to go with her somewhere I do not really have a choice. My siblings do, maybe as the youngest I am automatically forced to comply. I got pissed with my moms behavior and I made it obvious.

The day before she told me she wanted me to go to a birthday with her, I told her on that exact time that I will not be going. She got mad and told me I was being disobedient. So I wore a baggy sweater and black pants, she told me to change since it was hot so I told her I'd bring a mini fan instead. She got mad because I was being bratty (I was still upset with how easily she insults me and pretend everything is fine) and told me that I had something wrong with my attitude that needed to be fixed. She hit me with a Bible and I told her not to use the Bible so she used a piece of wood instead. She pulled my hair a lot of times. She told me not to test her since she can be like the devil when she is mad which I find ironic because I do not know why she does not think the way she acts when she is angry is a problem.

She said I always just stay in my room and lay in the bed. She said I was lazy and never cleans the house (I am the only one who cleans the house while she either goes out or stays in her room all the time)

On the way home she apologized and told me that it was my fault for acting out. She also told me that I should not change plans on the exact day (told her the day before). I dont even know what I am trying to say.

I guess I am just exhausted. When I vent to someone, it usually feels like I was being dramatic because the very next day I would feel numb. Not empty type of numb but absolutely nothing.

My mom has a bf I like and he does help financially and I quite enjoy talking to him and he has honestly helped our lives. But I know my moms cheating on him, probably due to my greediness or fear of our old life coming back that I could not tell him. My mom is also very insulting towards him, she told him to kill himself once.

Last year while the whole family was talking my brother talked about how he has different courses depending on the college. I guess my mom disliked that and called him undecided and that situation escalated into 3 of my brothers being kicked out (tho it happened at different times). On that day she broke my tin can where I keep my savings tho I was able to hide it. I saw my brother cry (the one who was talking about college) and I felt so helpless. I know this was a year ago but yea... These experiences keep accumulating and it leaves me exhausted. I just don't know. I am slowly becoming embittered.

I do not know if anyone will read this since it honestly makes no sense. Forgive me I guess if there are a lot of grammatical errors, English is my third language.