Struggling with a life decision.

So I'm 19, and in the process of enlisting into the military, but idk if I'm just scared or if it's not the right choice for me.

I went into welding school, and i was depressed in it. Because it's not what I wanted to do. I seen all my classmates live their best lives. I always wanted to go to college to try to be an engineer. I'd love to work on technology or robotics in the future. But I don't really have the money/$500k or whatever to do so. I heard the military can fully pay for college, so I wanted to do that. I didnt join for any patriotic reasons, but just for benefits. That's honestly it. Nothing more, nothing less.

Problem is... Idk what I should do... I mean, i go through heavy depressed (I hear that's a big thing in the military). I'm introverted... like VERY introverted... I love staying in my room. if I leave the house idk why but I just feel a wave of sadness and anxiety whenever i go to work or school or whatever. If i leave my city, i feel like i wanna go die. It's like I cannot handle reality. I enjoy my own company more than anyone. I'm awkward around others.

But I really really love drawing and creating things...I stay in my room alot and just live in my comfort zone, it's honestly my escape from reality and one of the only reasons I haven't kicked the bucket. And I feel like the army will take that away from me. I feel like i have no choice but to go to the army tho... hopefully I'm just overreacting.

But yea I'm just on the edge of going on dying. Idk what I wanna do.

A-If I do go I feel like I'll feel miserable but its the only way to do the things i want. I'll just miss what makes me happy.

B-If I don't go, I'll have to deal with army folks pressuring me, family members aswell, but I'll feel better but I'll lose my opportunity.

C-Maybe I should just run away from my problems and die. I don't mind it but... I know the people around me will be devastated snd I'll miss out on so much... but I mean... I'll be happy. (Don't be afraid to suggest option C tho)

Hopefully I'm just overreacting.

TL;DR: A very introverted guy joining the army. Doesn't know if he should or shouldn't join because of depression and afraid of losing his love for drawing.

I was wondering if there's anyone my age going or went through the same thing I'm going. Idk what I'm doing with my life.