Something I need to get off my chest

my chest still feels heavy after a discussion with my partner. we’ve been in a long distance relationship for almost 2 years now and we still haven’t met in person yet. we already resolved the issue days ago, but i still can’t stop myself from feeling hurt about what happened.

during our discussion, i told him that i needed to express myself in my own language because it’s really difficult for me to fully express my emotions in english. there’s a huge difference in the weight and depth of my feelings when i speak in my own language rather than in english. i even asked him first if it was okay and told him that if he wouldn’t allow me to, i would just stay quiet instead. he gave me the go signal to speak.

but a few seconds after i started speaking in my own language, he suddenly hung up. and honestly, i was caught off guard. i thought to myself, “what the hell?” i wish he had just told me directly that he didn’t want to hear me speak in my language instead of hanging up on me.

a few minutes later, he called me back and i confronted him about it. he explained that he wouldn’t understand me and that i might be cursing him in my language. LOL, i would never do that to him, not even in his own language. i told him how hurt i felt because it wasn’t only about wanting to express myself in my own language, i also wanted to feel heard. i wanted to feel that he would still listen to me even if he couldn’t understand every single word.

after hours of trying to resolve the issue, i was still upset, so we decided to take some space to cool down.

later that day, after i woke up from a nap, he called me around lunchtime here, which was dinnertime for him. he asked how i was doing, and i admitted that i was still upset about our earlier discussion. eventually, we were able to settle everything, and i started feeling better. but even after resolving things, i still can’t seem to stop feeling hurt. maybe a part of me is scared that something like this could happen again.

but now, writing all of this down makes me feel a little lighter. i just hope we’ll be able to manage challenges like this together moving forward.