TAZ Royale Recap Episode 25

We're still in this fuck ass Necromancy Trial GOTT DAMN ITTTT.

Last week they went up stairs eventually, and figured out they gotta douse some colourful fire to progress past a prismatic fireplace because Griffin made a piss poor dungeon instead of an active zombie invasion trial. There is zombies but who gives a fuck they're CR 1/4 and the PCs are like, level 5 or 6.

As per the mistake of telling me I did something funny u/KPopMyHoleBod has mandated that the mutilation of PC names will continue and worsen until morale approves.

• Hype Song Hype Song HYPE SONG EEEEEEEE
  • The haunting voice of death is all that’s left (Dead memories)(The house decays) / A chasm where the floorboards used to be (Dead memories)(This hell remains)
  • New Periphery album and it's straight bangers, you know I been bumping that shit. Me on my way to my comfortable part time Library job listening to songs about evil fucking ghosts and shit.
• Oh, and Randalf was there, Loraveth killed Randalf twice. hhooooobooyyy
• Griffaboo starts his second for-the-players recap, again you don't need fucking two, cut the first one out or make it the official recap like NADDPOD does.
  • It's truly sad I think I've listened to more TAZ than NADDPOD because I'm not fucking with the new season. Too Kitschy, it feels like we're coming back to this sort of gonzo late 90s aesthetic time and time again to a degree where it feels like the world itself is afraid to be sincere. Skaldova remains peak.
• Griffin is interrupted for a "You know what they call TAZ Royale in France?" Joke, the punchline is Justin saying something that almost vaguely sounds French but he's saying it too quietly and with too much of a weird voice to tell what it is.
• It gets a hearty, "... Okay." From Griffin and he moves on with the recap.
• To kick off the episode Griffin remembers Ratatouille Wizard and kills him.
• "For the record I was going to try and find a way to rescue him this session," No you weren't you scum fuck, jesus this fucking "goodest necromancer boy" act is exhausting.
• Skorpor rushes in, and they all begin to climb the ladder. Rye Crust asks for anyone they're missing/don't have tabs on and Griffin hums and haws for a second before remembering he forgot to kill Burgerman after he ran off. Speedy Jane is also unaccounted for.
• Rykuzt is going after Designated Straight Woman because he needs a new son.
• Hullgrumt takes a step back as ChuDoober and Goraveth have a moment.
  • Also, Randal The Vandal killed himself, threw himself off the stairs.
• Griffin references a second Christmas song this season, Up on the Rooftop and somehow the AI that edits this podcast resisted the urge to start playing a shitty MIDI version of it.
• With Skruppo and HELL BELOW out of the scene Ganja Banja Kazooie tries to convince Dubs that Ayn Randalf was merely an illusion, and that he, Gimme Some Ganja, was fighting a dragon
• A good roll and Dubs is satiated for now.
• Travinky Dink finds Jasty Hanes doing a Lady Macbeth in the bathroom.
• When Jeedy Honzalez hears that Hippocrates is still alive she throws the candlestick at the mirror with a loud "DAMN IT."
• "I don't want to kill anybody man," YOU'VE ALL FUCKING KILLED SOMEONE TO BE HERE, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?!?!?!??!
• Anyways, Jast Hast is crashing out, entirely too late really but it's an okayish character moment.
• Trunk uses Griffibiffi's shit game design as a plot point saying that the trials will kill off the other competitors for them. It's like a double whammy of how utterly pathetic the McElroys are as a whole, using unbelievably terrible game design to justify a 40 year old white man trying to roleplay a softboy UwU JoinedADeathGameButDoesn'tWantToKill bean having a "peace and love" epiphany or some fuck.
• Oh, and option 4, Gravis thinks they can Hunger Games it if they all help each other survive, as if the Octumvirate wouldn't just like... make them kill each other.
• I've actually forgotten her name now... Hasty Jane, right, ahem.
• Jean Hastur is convinced to stop freakin' out and they go for the ladder.
• They painstakingly climb a ladder one by one as no zombies in the ZOMBIE INVASION TRIAL threaten them.
• We are only 15 minutes in, I can't take this any more. I AM AWARE I'M PROBABLY PART OF THE PROBLEM BY STILL LISTENING, BUT HOLY FUCKING SHIT I WISH THEY'D JUST QUIT ALREADY.

Uh... Ads already? An ad for the forced cape thing from a few episodes ago? Damn those Temu slaves work fast.

Oh, yep, yeah, the full ad break. Right at 15 minutes into the episode. Huh...

• They're on the roof now. They natter about a chimney or fucking whatever.
• There's a sundial up here. Everyone is gathered around it, waiting for the line of light from the cresting sun to touch it and end the trial.
• Burger Man Dies. Okay?
• Game Grumps' Burgie slams down on the rooftop as Pippis, the Enlarge/Reduce wizard that Dobongo killed, breaks through the trees. Having a giga big zombamberoo is cool and fun but that's not how Enlarge works, you increase one size category and get a small bonus to melee damage.
• Pinpist grabs a bunch of Zombies that are just milling outside and never entered the manor because WHY TRY TO MAKE AN INTERESTING AND TENSE ZOMBIE INVASION ENCOUNTER? Ahem, Pips grabs some Zambonis and throws them at the roof.
• Initiative is rolled.
• Truggunk is first. He casts Magic Missile. It deals damage. There is not argument about how it works, suggesting they actually read or previously read and remembered how it works. Shocker.
• Truggerkrk also casts Shadow Blade.
• Pimp drops some piles of zombies down the way I would pile all my Hot Wheels into the sandbox as a kid. Pimp also grabs the Sundial and puts it under his hat, away from the sun, which is actually kind of cool come to think about it, it's a nice simple extra layer to the encounters mechanics.
• Zoned out, not rewinding
• GJango UnVethed is going to go and protect Smoke a Doob in the Toob because they got Greased by Mac Donald the Horseless Headman.
• He fails a handful of Dex saves, Griffin pretends that the players can die for a second but he just... stops sliding towards the edge of the roof.
• A mound of Zumkos hit Ricked For Her Ctus, he takes all of 11 points of damage, WOW.
• Hog casts Infestation on a ZmounD to get it away from Ricky. then Misty Steps down to a balcony just on the side of the building.
• My white monster tastes like metal :(
• Roe ROE Custard resists some Zunk poison, and casts Unseen Servant on Pispspspspsps in order to bother him. Wisdom save on SPPSPSPSPSPS part to figure out what is happening. Failed.
• Whatever benefits this will proffer either weren't said or I zoned out and missed them.
• RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR goes off and finds some zombies and tries to tell Zombies that it's actually the evil people that are running the games who are to blame for their deaths.
• Thankfully this fails.
• Pep is still getting got by the Unseen Servant. Lorgajeth sees something but I wasn't listening and I'm not rewinding.
• Brugger Mugger uses Grease again. Misses.
• GLUNJ blinds Pup with Colour Spray (obviously the 2024 version), then jumps at him because he still has Spider Climb up.
• Travis says yakety sax, likely in reference to people slipping on the Grease. A terrible MIDI version of Yakety Sax plays in the background. Welcome back AI editor Rachel.
• GellHrammit is pretty much out of the fight. He casts reduce on Pop. More jokes about Grendel Hammond being a pervert obsessed with porno mags.
• Pyp shrinks dramatically, while Grunjaveth is still on him. Shouldn't really matter, he's going from 40 ft. tall to 20 ft. tall, that's still REAL BIG. Bigger than Dreagwalver still.
• As a bonus action Inferno Grommut misty steps down to the now dropped sundial and then gets told that he can't grab it even those object interactions are free.
• No One Wants To Admit They Ate 9 Cans Of Ravioli swings his shadow blade down on Gurber Man, natural 20 with advantage, big two-oh psychic damage.
• Game Grumps Presents Zurgie As Seen In Super Mario 64 Part 5 is dead now.
• Lunky Dunky Gunky casts Catapult on the Sun Dial at the third level spell, presuming the Sun Dial is 15 pounds (Can move a 5 pound object with a 1st level spell slot, every spell slot level above 1 increases damage and maximum weight by 5)
• Justin goes on to argue that because Pepsi was wearing the Sun Dial under his hat while reduce was cast on him the Sundial would also shrink if that hat shrunk too. But for some reason I've just recalled, doesn't Pip's hat stay small for the comedic effect?
• Something something, spell attack roll to move it up because it wouldn't normally be moveable. LUNJO rolls too low.
• it works anyways? LUNGO JUNKO literally failed the fucking STATED DC and it STILL WOOOORKED??????? DID I ZONE OUT AGAIN? THAT'S IT? WAS THERE ADVANTAGE I DIDN'T HEAR? WHAT HAPPENED?

WHAT?

WHAT???

Anyways, see ya.