life feels weird lately

i’m writing this as i’m sitting in the park near my flat. it’s raining and the weather finally feels tolerable. i’ve been listening to good bollywood music but i can’t help thinking about life in general a lot since the past few days. i’ve been doing that a lot lately.

my life is going pretty well career, family, friends and love wise ig, but something feels empty inside me. maybe it’s the uncertainty of the future, reminiscing the past, or just the present that feels weird or maybe it’s the fact that i got my periods just today. idk what it is but it’s making me feel awful.

i’m also leaving the city i’ve lived in for 3 years in 2 weeks and moving back to my hometown for a bit. in the past 2 years, i’ve conditioned myself to staying alone to focus on my career, which in retrospect served me well.

i have friends who understand me really well and are there for me, but i don’t feel like sharing anything with them because i won’t be able to explain this to anyone. i try to keep it to myself most of the times, but when i really want someone to understand and they don’t, i have an outburst and i mess things up in the moment. i feel exhausted and lonely emotionally.

pata hai aaj kya hua, i’m wondering if i’m actually happy with my life or not. i don’t know how much i was able to explain but i needed to get this off my chest.