Reflecting on my life at 33

May share lang ako kasi ayoko na magkwento sa mga tropa ko. This is a long read.

I’m 33, turning 34 this year. Andto ako sa sleeping quarters namin, nagbayad ng bills. Tapos naisip ko ex ko. Kung paano nya ako kinupal. How she borrowed money from me, giving various sob stories. And how naniwala ako agad kasi I loved her and wanted to help. How I ignored my gut. And how I found out she was cheating on me.

Everyone around me said kasuhan ko, habulin ko pera ko. Kasi she owed me more than 200k. I wanted to. Believe me. However, nagtago na sya. She abandoned her apartment, her cats, her everything. Last I heard she was living with her current partner, the kabet, sa Bataan.

What hurt even more was finding out that she owed so many people money, including ka team ko na naging friend and roommate nya. We worked at the same company from 2021 until December 2025. I’m still here, she was terminated earlier this year kasi nag AWOL sya. She was good at her job, and was even promoted Novemver 2024. Less than a year since she was promoted, she seemed to have imploded.

She was overbreaking, barely showing up for work, and her performance took a nose dive. She also began being distant and cold with me around this time.

She chalked it up to her being under a lot of pressure sa work, and I wanted to be supportive to her pero every time we made plans to meet or me visit her, something always came up. d na dn sya nagpapakita sakin sa work. I should have known she was lying.

Almost a year later, and I still don’t understand why she did what she did. If she hated me so much, why didn’t she just leave me? Why torture me the way she did?

I hate myself for letting all of this happen. I hate myself for lending her the money and putting myself in unncessary debt. Pero most of all, I hate her for lying to me repeatedly.

We broke up July 2025. Almost one year ago now. I’m in a much better place. Utang ko is making good progress, I’m healthy, I’m seeing someone new, and most of all, I’m doing good at work. It’s just that everytime need ko bayaran yong utang, naiisip ko sya tapos maiinis nanaman ako for 15-20 minutes. Then back to normal na ulit until the following month. Right now, nagbayad ako ng utang kaya naiisip ko nanaman.

Nung kasagsagan ng feelings ko, gsto ko maghanap ng way para isumpa sya. Make her suffer the way she made me feel. Pero it’s not worth it. I’ve let her go. My peace of mind means more to me than anything.

Sana lang masaya sya sa choice nya sayangin ang maganda nya trabaho at benefits para makakantot ng iba. Sana worth it yong pananakit nya sakin, at pag traydor sa mga kaibigan nya. All for the sake of another person. How can you even call that love?

Yun lang. Thanks for reading.