My life will never get any better and its all my fault.

It's just absolutely over for me. I dont know whats wrong with me. My life has been downright terrible for the past 7 years. Lost my mom in 2019 weeks before I graduated high school. Flunked out of college in 2020. Became homeless four different times since 2021, currently homeless for 7 months now. Worked a dead end retail job i hated for $11 an hour for 3 years. Done nothing with my life. I'm just done.

My Major Depressive Disorder (yes, this is what I was diagnosed with years ago) and anxiety have never been this crazy. I just don't know anymore. I *want* to get out of my current situation. I really do. I've been looking at jobs I could take that are around the country and provide housing, but I need transportation to get to these other places so I just rule them out mentally. (Alaska has so many jobs like this it sucks that a place ticket sets me back $500). Additionally I need other stuff too. Clothes, hygiene, etc. Stuff I just don't have.

Shelters are too anxiety inducing for me and i often have a panic attack and leave before even coming close to completing my stay.

I just cant do it. I feel like my story is just going to end here, and honestly, it's probably for the best that it is.

All I can do now is start writing my suicide letter.