Finding it hard to believe this is finally real (42, MtF)

Hey everyone,

I promise I'll try not to take up too much of your time, but I just feel like I have to put this out there, and tell someone.

​I’m sitting here at work right now with my eyes welling up, completely overwhelmed by everything hitting me at once.

​Yesterday, I finally took the leap and booked my first appointment for June 24th. This morning, I was sitting with my coffee filling out the pre-appointment forms. It’s just standard paperwork, but it made everything feel so real.

​For 42 years, I have lived my life the way I thought I was supposed to. To actually be sitting here today, taking actual steps to live the way I was actually meant to live all along, feels completely surreal. It honestly feels like a dream I'm terrified I'll wake up from.

​I looked at a photo of myself today from a couple of weeks ago when I first put on a dress, and the soft, genuine happiness in my eyes is night and day compared to how heavy and tired I look in the mirror. I’m so excited to see how I’ll look when I don't have to hide anymore.

​But holding this intense joy and hope right alongside the anxiety and fear is so heavy. I just wanted to share these feelings with a community that understands what it feels like to stand at the very beginning of this journey.

​Thanks for listening. 🩷 🤍 💙