Sissy kink

So to start, I (26 amab) just want to say that I am sure that this has probably been talked about ad nauseum on here, and I am sure that this is probably not a topic everyone here wants to talk about and hear about, so I do genuinely apologize for bringing it up and I hope it doesn't bother anyone here too much.

I don't plan on giving my whole life story here, just what is directly relevant. Starting around when I was 12 years old (maybe even earlier) I had some thoughts that I wanted to be a girl, but I was very embarrassed and confused about them, and I had never at that time heard of being trans, so I ultimately just ignored those thoughts. Fast forward to when I was 14, I stumbled onto sissy porn and was hooked instantly. I think it was simultaneously a way of safely and privately living out my true identity in private and of denying my true identity to myself. It let me ignore who I really was by dismissing those feelings as just a kink / sex thing, while also giving me an outlet for them. Recently I have started to really try and understand and accept who I really am, (which is still very much a work in progress, to the point that I honestly don't know if I am a trans woman, a feminine leaning enby or something else maybe, but I am definitely not a cis man.) I have also, at the same time, started to see the significant problems with the sissy kink and community, mostly in how it tends to show women in general and transgender women in particular as inferior and as sexual objects.

I guess I made this post because I kinda feel guilty for being so into that for so long, and I also wanted to hear if other people here had similar experiences, and what other people here think of the sissy kink and community in general. If you got this far, thank you for reading through what is probably a pretty common and bothersome kind of post, and I am sorry if I kinda rambled or didn't really say anything of substance or new, I really needed to get that off my chest.