Does anyone else feel emotionally disconnected from life even when everything looks okay on paper?

Does anyone else feel emotionally disconnected from life even when everything looks okay on paper?

I’m 28F and I grew up in a pretty dysfunctional family with domestic violence and instability. I built my life from absolutely nothing, moved countries alone, worked extremely hard to get into engineering and F1, danced for almost 20 years, and recently got a new engineering role next week. I’ve also already sought professional help because I know this feeling isn’t normal for me. but the more i talk, the more actually draining it is. It took so much energy to write this as well.

Objectively I know I’ve achieved a lot, but emotionally I feel deeply isolated lately.

Not even in a “I need more people around me” way. Honestly a lot of socialising feels draining now. My boyfriend is very social and surrounded by groups of friends, pubs, bars, events, holidays, hen/stag dos etc. There’s nothing wrong with that lifestyle at all, but I often struggle to relate to those environments and conversations emotionally.

Back home I only had a many good and a few close friends, those friendships were incredibly deep and meaningful. The people I truly love are now spread all over the world and I think I’m starting to realise that maybe this is partly the emotional price of constantly pushing forward, surviving, and being ambitious.

Sometimes I feel like many people grew up with a softer emotional foundation, while I spent years learning how to survive independently. Because of that, I think I became extremely hyper-independent emotionally.

Even in my relationship, despite my boyfriend being kind and understanding in many ways, I still often feel emotionally alone. I’ve tried communicating this and he does care, but sometimes I feel like he doesn’t fully understand the depth of emotional vulnerability I carry internally. He has his own struggles too, and I know he’s trying, but there are moments where I still feel unseen or emotionally unsupported.

What confuses me is that I finally met someone healthy and safe, but instead of feeling fully comforted, I sometimes feel detached and lonely anyway. It makes me wonder whether years of surviving alone changed me more deeply than I realised.

I still care about things deeply. I still have moments where I enjoy skating, dance, engineering etc. But overall I feel flat, mentally exhausted, detached, constantly in my head, and emotionally far away from people.

Part of me wonders if I’m burnt out or depressed (may be both). Another part wonders if I’m simply changing as a person and becoming calmer, more selective, and less stimulated by surface-level things.

Has anyone else gone through this after major life changes and years of emotional pressure?