To that one I don't quite understand.

You've been there a while, in the background. I appreciate it, but I never quite understood. You get some of the pain, and how longing can lead to yet more of it. You've seen my missteps...my grief. You know a lot more than you should.

So why stay?

My love leads only to pain. I keep friends distant, in the hopes that they will never want more. I type to them, when I can, but the boundary is always set in stone. I wanted more. I grieved the more. I know it will never happen.

You could have a lot closer friendship with someone else. You could have someone near, who could touch your arm and support you in a real way. Not my slightly chilled, yet highly charged, strange, loving...yet never quite full, support.

It's complicated. The wants and the nevers. Maybe that's why you keep finding me. Maybe you know exactly where it's coming from. Perhaps I'll never know. I've never been brave enough to ask, even in this way. Well, here you are. This is for...you.