28f rape and mental illness has fucked my life up

I’m a 28-year-old engaged woman, and my fiancé gets really upset with how I handle my trauma. I have Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID).

Two years ago, my ex exploited my DID. He would get me drunk, force me to watch pornography constantly, and it eventually became part of one of my alters. He raped me, and so did his friends.
Now my fiancé gets frustrated and embarrassed because I sometimes can’t keep my hands out of my pants it’s how I self-soothe emotionally. If I see pornography, it can trigger a switch to that past alter. He says he can’t take me out anymore because of how I act, and it’s really straining our relationship.

This is the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had, and I’m terrified of losing it. I finally got insurance and started therapy about a month ago. I’ve talked to my therapist about this, and she explained that it’s my brain’s way of surviving. She says I need to rewire those responses, but it’s going to take time.

Thanks for letting me rant. Life has been really hard lately.