[1824] Chrono-lab (introduction)

Chronolab

First four and a half pages of a third draft I'm doing for this short story.

I've been focused on improving interiority on this draft and would especially like feedback on that.But would also like feedback on pacing, especially the exposition at the start (I just don't know how else I could establish the plot.)

The story is finished and is about 8000 pages long. But I want to see how the first few pages of this draft come across to someone else.

But, any and all feedback is appreciated.

Thanks.

recent Crit:
[2028]