quarter life crisis

hi all,

just putting a bunch of rambling thoughts out into the world. i’m having a quarter life crisis (aren’t we all). i’m going through an incredibly hard breakup, i’m having doubts about my career, where i live, what i want my life to look like and what makes me happy.

just minor things of course 🫠

so, without going into too much detail, the breakup was incredibly hard. i broke up with him after 3.5 years because of a breech of trust. nothing infidelity wise, just a big enough breech of trust that i can’t have him in my life just now, it was a symptom of a cause really, and despite how good we were together, we definitely need some time apart. one of those really crappy ones where we both love each other and want to get back together, but it can’t be just now.

i’m a jobbing actor, and have been lucky enough to work on stage and screen since graduating from drama school in 2023. however, the reality of being an actor and the dream of being an actor are very different things. don’t get me wrong, i love acting, i’m good at acting, but there are parts of it as a career that i am now just admitting that i don’t love so much. the uncertainty, the lack of progression, travelling up and down the country staying in crappy hotels, the fact my career is completely in someone else’s hands and whether they think i’m good or not, and the main thing- how it eats up everything else in my life to be an auditioning actor. part of me feels almost guilty- i know so many people who’d love to be in my position, i have a great agent, i get seen for really cool projects, and ive worked. but i just don’t know if i only want to be an actor.

at the start of the year i went to india to train to be a yoga teacher and it has deeply impacted my life. my mum is a yoga teacher part time and i’ve been practicing for around a decade, but this has completely transformed my practice. since being back i’ve been picking up a few classes and really love it. the elements i love about acting (storytelling, connecting with people) are available to me through teaching yoga. the yoga school i trained with have a volunteer program, where you assist with yoga classes in exchange for room and board, which ive been keen to do, but it would mean taking a minimum of 3 months away from auditioning, which feels like a lot.

i also teach musical theatre to kids, which is very cute and i do enjoy it.

in order to pursue acting, i’ve been living in london… which is not for me. london is great don’t get me wrong, but i am not made for city life. i’ve been craving moving out of the city for a while now, and this feels like maybe a good time, i just don’t know to where. i currently live with my best friend, and she mentioned moving to brighton (seaside town about an hour out of london), and i am really drawn to the idea. however, i’d actually really love to live by myself for the moment, i think? because everything in my life is in flux, i’d like to be able to make a decision and change my mind without needing to worry about how it impacts her. i know it will hurt her feelings, and i’d love it if we moved to the same town, separately. i don’t know whether it’s breakup brain that’s scrambling me or all the other big thoughts i’ve been having, but i’m scared i’ll say something and then regret it.

and the cherry on top… i’m really drawn to the idea of having kids and building a family, it feels like something really close to my heart. obviously, im single now, so not an immediate concern given the state of my love life, but it’s adding more complexity into figuring out what i want

annnnyway, any advice, sentiments or just anyone feeling similar ways please gimme a shout <33

thanks everyone x