not stalking is also part of no contact

i'd say it's the second lion i have to fight every single day. some days it's really hard, but i've been trying.

i used to stalk my ex so much that it became a habit, basically a reflex. but all it did was keep reinforcing a bond that was already over, and i started feeling uncomfortable with how much it was consuming me. at the beginning, i was probably checking his profiles like 100 times a day lol.

the fact that he stalked me too (he admitted it - we've gone through periods of distance before, and stalking was always a toxic pattern in our relationship) only reinforced the behavior. knowing i was being watched made me feel compelled to watch too.

i decided to stop before i saw something that would completely destroy me, and i've been putting in the effort every day since. i also deleted every avenue where i could be seen or monitored, because i wanted to get rid of that feeling of being watched. even just the possibility of it was enough to pull me back into stalking.

so yeah, i guess that's it: don't check your ex's life.

i'm a compulsive, obsessive mess and i'm still trying every day. if anyone needs to hear this: if i can do it, so can you c: