i gave my v-card so my bf wouldn't leave me

I'm not even sure how to start this but me and my boyfriend broke up like 3 months into dating. He gave me a few reasons but he didn't mention sex.

I should mention we didn't sleep together during these months as i was still a virgin and not really ready yet (he wasn't a virgin).

We got back together a month after the breakup and like 2 months after that he told me he slept with someone while we were broken up. He was absolutely sure we wouldn't get back together at that time as he's not the type to do that.

I was really upset at first and honestly I still am, but i talked about it with my therapist and she mentioned it might have been a coping mechanism so i accepted it.

Anyway after maybe a month or more of dating again i gave him my virginity. I cried after but i tried reassuring him that nothing was wrong. I think i just had sex with him because i was scared he was gonna leave me again if I didn't. I cried again the next time.

I never told him i had sex with him because of that because i know it would crush him and its been like a year since then.

We're doing amazing now, i genuinely don't have any problems but this just weighs on me and i had to get it off my chest haha. I know i won't ever tell him but i do think about it almost everytime we have sex.