Help!

TW ❌‼️(for insects & rotting/ suicidal)

|| oh my days, I'm so disgusted I've let it get to this point.

So first to understand this situation I have agrophobia, which means it's very difficult for me to go outside even out to my trash bin. And along side this my mother died a year ago at the end of this month.

I've been using my kitchen to hoard most of her belongings I can't even look at makes me break down, and with depression I haven't been cooking for myself for atleast 8 months!.

Anywho along side that, since December I've maybe stepped foot in my kitchen 5 times?, and when days are really bad I throw my trash (in bags) in the kitchen...well days turn into weeks then months.

I started taking the trash out, to my bin outside, as exposure therapy and in a fit of rage , i don't want to be doing this to myself anymore!.

Anyways......I took like 5 trash bags out, flies obviously in my kitchen cause it's gross but I leave window open too, heat waves been in the UK past week.

So ....I turn to my left to swat away a fly , and look at my kitchen counter, fucking THOSANDs of maggots and pupae (I had to Google it basically there cocoon before they turn into a fly) and thousands of those.

I ran out and slammed the bloody door! 🚪

I'm so grossed out, I feel horrible. Scared, almost suicidal honestly.

Because even the floor is filled with them, I don't know what to do.

Thank you for reading