I’m not feeling good

I (22m) have been in therapy about two years but not consistently

For major time last couple of years I’ve been feeling an awful feeling like depression

Last two months thinking so much about disappearing or ending my life

I can’t do anything

Im 3rd year at university
Failed one course and they might stop study because of it

I have many tasks and I don’t do them

Sorry my English is bad but didn’t find any where else better than here to write

I want just to disappear from life

I don’t want to continue struggling

I know for sure if I live more I will never find a job or work for myself because of my laziness

All day I am sitting scrolling on my phone

I have been out with my friends twice last week and I was little better while we were out , but when I went back home I felt guilt and going out wont be available in the future since I don’t do anything in my life