CMV: People overfocus on looks because of social media. Fix what’s fixable, accept what isn’t, and you’ll be treated normally IRL

Hey guys, apologies in advance this is going to be pretty long.

I want to hear from people who’ve actually faced mistreatment their whole lives because of how you look. I’m writing all this rn because it’s on my mind and I want to get everything out. Idk if I might be wrong in some things which is why I want someone else’s perspective not in online world but real world. And did you go from bad to normal which changed how people treated u or bad to extraordinary extreme which changed how people treated u.

First, I’m not trying to dismiss anyone’s pain. I get how it feels to be treated badly or bullied for your looks. I’ve faced it too. I’ve not been treated badly in general because I’m nice to people and they’re nice back. But I HAVE been bullied for my height my whole life. I never say stuff like try harder or do better or everything is fixable n stuff to someone if they explain stuff like this cuz i do acknowledge that they had a hard time with all of that even if it was easily fixable or smth ofc it hurt them.

I’m 4’10, 19F. Since I was a kid I got called “choti” “boni” “tiddi” - words for short people. By classmates, cousins, elders, random people I’d meet. Everyone’s advice was “hang on a bar”, “eat better”, “drink milk”. I hated it so much.

I actually tried to fix it. At age 11 I was taking Indrop D drops, other sweet-tasting pills that melt in your mouth, HGH injections, diet, sleep, everything a doctor told my parents. If it worked, it worked. If not, it didn’t. My growth plates eventually closed so i stopped. I accepted it by 13-14.

Today at 19 I still hear it. Every other day at the gym some new aunty goes “ur so short u should hang on the bar, u dont look ur age” and laughs like it’s the funniest joke ever. People I don’t even know comment on it. That person I argued with goes “girls dont have a problem being short, it’s not that big of a deal”. I’m literally an example of how bad it IS. I still hear it to this day. But I moved on. Does it hurt for a second when someone says it? Yeah. Do I let it ruin my life? No. I let go the next second because I’ve come far from that. People treat me normal. I’m not ugly, I’m not “unattractive”. My face is fine. The ONLY thing I ever got bullied for was height. One thing I had zero control over.

Here’s what pissed me off

I told this to a guy who was complaining “I was treated bad for being fat, so now I think any girl who dates me settled because she had no options”. He said to me “everything is fixable bro, there’s studies, HGH, hormones, sleep better” - basically Instagram reel knowledge. He also said “I used to pull my shirt and wear shirt to swimming pool because I was fat” and “I used to do pushups”. Bro… every kid did pushups lol, even I did. I don’t get why that’s a trauma flex. my problem was that even with doctors + injections at 11. It was a “bet” thing either it works or it doesn’t. Your problem was weight. You can lose weight in 2-3 months with diet. You’re doing it now at age 20. I tried everything at age 11. And you’re telling ME I “didn’t try enough”? How dare you.

I don’t compete in the “who suffered more” game because I think everyone has their own struggles and as a kid these things affect you SO bad if you hear them again and again. But why are they holding onto it for years and then being ignorant of someone else’s struggle which is probably worse? Something you could’ve fixed a long time ago but didn’t for some reason, and now you’re doing it at 20 why compare that to something that was literally a genetic lottery?

My points that I want to discuss

1. There’s a difference between “objectively attractive/PSL scale” and “attractive to YOU”

There are billions of people who think their partner is the most beautiful person alive. Not because they look like an Instagram model or have “no recessed maxilla” or fit the “Chad/True Adam/PSL scale”. But because of love, care, adoration. You don’t need a “Chad face” to be loved. Attraction is personal. If you’re dreaming about your partner, you’re already attracted to them. It could be the most “average” person. I think they confuse the scientifically considered “perfect attractive face” with actual personal attraction and normal beauty.

2. Social media warped everyone’s brain

Looks matter, but only to the extent that you look like you care about yourself. Shower, brush teeth, clean clothes, normal healthy weight. That’s it. You don’t need to go from unhealthy → top 1% model. You just need to not look like you gave up.But these looksmaxxing guys on social media only see white/American guys posting “Chad” stuff. They forget we live in Pakistan. Dating here isn’t like the West with hookup culture + everyone being lustful 24/7. Here it’s different.

And online, only good-looking people post themselves. If an average person posts, they get roasted by other average people. So you start thinking “everyone is a model except me”. That’s false. They’ve made themselves so used to looking at white people/Americans on social media that they lost the ability to see what reality is like for them living in a whole different country. They think experiences of white guys who post looksmaxxing stuff are the same as theirs in dating terms, even though in the West dating/hookup stuff is very normal and everyone is lustful too.

3. IRL ≠ Internet

Go to any uni in Lahore, any wedding, any cafe. Look around. Mostly the girl is more attractive than the guy. Or both are just normal. “Ugly fat guy + model girl” exists, but so does “average guy + average girl”. The idea that “women only date Chads” dies the second you step outside.

In our society for men it’s: Earning > Family > Education > Height > Face. Face is last. If a guy is a bit overweight, aunties go “diet kar lega”. But a short guy? “Height kam hai” and rishta over. So actually short men get it worse than fat men here. And short women get comments too, like me.

4. Lust ≠ Attraction ≠ Relationship

Guys will lust after a “mid” girl they won’t date. Girls will date an average guy they ARE attracted to because of personality. Then both genders use the worst examples to define the other gender. “All men just want sex” vs “All women want Chads”. Both are dumb.

5. The “I’ll always think they settled for me” mindset + the weight thing

If you were treated badly for being unhealthily overweight/underweight, or dressing badly, or looking like you don’t care about yourself - yeah that’s valid and it hurts. But those things are fixable. You don’t need to become a model. Just reach normal, healthy weight.

From what I see, most of the people complaining about this are not even “ugly”. They’re just a bit overweight. And the second they lose that weight they DO get treated differently. Which shows it’s not actually a permanent problem, it’s just how humans react. If you’re a healthy-looking human you will be treated normally.

The person I argued with his friends and everyone around him is very normal looking just like him. The only possible difference as per him is that he is overweight and those others are not. This literally shows that IRL it is rare to find the so-called PSL-scale attractive person and everyone is treated normally if they put themselves out there or look like they take care of themselves. Losing that weight for that person might solve that too, and I support them in that.

I also acknowledge that all the damage of so many years can’t be magically undone just because they lost weight and are now receiving different treatment. That trauma is real.

But most of this from what I can see is only on social media. If you see people IRL there are so many who are normal looking and dating or wed to normal looking as well. And even if “my friend who looks better than me gets more attention from girls” - that’s very normal. Even with girls, if there are 2 girls the guy will give attention to the prettier one. It’s very normal. It’s not an everyday event that you need to cry over. It has been happening and will continue.

6. The standards aren’t that high

The “women want top 1% height + money + looks” thing is mostly from social media. In real life, women look for financial security, sure, but they also settle for someone they actually feel attraction for. Same for men. Men don’t look at “ugly” girls either. It’s the same for both genders. Corporations + influencers profit off your insecurities. They want you to think you need surgery, supplements, “mewing”, etc. So you keep buying.

The world isn’t fair and never will be. An average person will put attractive people on a pedestal and treat same-looking people badly. Then they all complain. But if your only issue is weight and you’re now fixing it at 20. don’t compete with someone who had to accept their unfixable thing at 11.

To people who were mistreated for looks: was it something you could fix or couldn’t? How did you deal? What was your experience as a so-called “ugly” person?

And to the looksmaxxing guys: why do you think every iPhone face is the “perfect person”? Why do you think experiences of American guys on TikTok = experiences of a Pakistani guy in Lahore?