I feel so lost

for the past few months i’ve been taking SSRI.
my partner says my mood swings have been worse. after looking into it, the SSRI i am taking says i could need a higher dosage or that it could be unmasking bipolar. whenever i was a teenager i was put in a mental institution, i still remember to this day the doctor saying; “you were so close to being diagnosed for bipolar. there’s just a few things you answered that don’t meet the criteria for it.” i still wonder if its because i didn’t answer some questions truthfully that i didn’t get that diagnosis. looking into this has made some memories pop out more; like the one time i made an impulsive decision to buy last min tickets to a concert in Austin, TX then left in the middle of the night without telling anyone, drove for 9hrs, wired on red bulls and 5hr energy drinks, i felt like i was living life to the fullest, until i got so overwhelmed and cried the whole time at the hotel. still had a good time at the concert tho lol. but in all honesty, im tired. i feel like im constantly looking to answers to find out “what’s wrong with me”, but i dont think i can handle that at the moment. for now, i feel like i just need a break from my own mind and body.