Lost

My narcissistic mother’s actions make me feel passively suicidal everyday.i left and never came back at 15 yrs old .I grieve what I left behind and I wish I could have taken my belongings but I had to get out! I feel very unmoored and stagnant in my life.Iam just wandering this earth without anything that I know or love.I just wish I could have a peice of my life or childhood back I’m only 21 and the grief pains me every day .It really is horrible knowing the one person who should love and protect me through my hardest times is the one causing all the pain.Feels like there is no way out.My heart and soul belongs in that house with my pets and belongings I really do feel like an empty shell so what is the point of life ? Is there an escape or do I have to wait until she’s gone …