Is it ok/healthy to choose celibacy due to being unattractive

I am a woman and have had sex and could get laid if I wanted to, but as a woman , getting laid does not mean you are pretty. I have a really unattractive body that men unanimously agree is a “bad shape”, I have heard numerous things about it, my body is something that men settle for as a con , not a happy extra or something that they like. I have bad relational trauma and a long history of being cheated on in very manipulative abusive ways and I have decided I think I want to be celibate. I get very frequently sad about the idea of dying alone and not finding a man that really wants and loves me that I feel the same way for and I dont have to worry about him feeling like he is missing out or settled, or would rather look at porn or cant look at me truly while ww are intimate. but to be honest I understand, I am not beautiful at all and I cant force myself to think I am hot either. My breasts are considered deformed in a clinical sense, also, which doesnt help.

I feel somewhere deep down like this is a slow suicide emotionally, but I think it can be done so that I become more spiritual and happy on my own and realize I dont really need physical and emotional intimacy in a romantic context and that its okay to be alone. How can I enter a life of celibacy that is focused on growth and healing and not self punishment? thank you