I was raised moderately religious by my standards lol, but its also a fairly conservative religion so ymmv ig. Currently took a hard 180 and am now agnostic leaning atheistic.

This is relevant cuz religious me felt rlly bad for reading smut. I would binge an unhealthy ammount of pornographic stuff and feel guilty for it and try to stop. Then pray to god for forgiveness untill I wanted to read badly enough to rinse and repeat.

I don't binge for nearly as long anymore and feel less guilty about it now. But I cant say the content of what i read is any better (gotta love ao3 🤪) the difference is now i started to attempt to masterbate sometimes. The experimentation is kinda fun.

I'm sure you can guess where this is going but i was having trouble peeing at night a few weeks ago and attributed it to my family's risk factor for diabetes. Then i went to the pool one weekend in my first real swimsuit (it was more of a dress tbh) and the next mornjng the pee was smelly and lowk painful so i knew what was up.

I know i shouldnt be attributing greater meaning to this, and I probably woulda gotten more and worse taking the unwashed dick I woulda been expected to take if i got married as planned, but a part of me still feels like a failure for "sinning"

Idk i kinda just want reassurance, and advice for anyone who also reads smut, whats your relationship with it and how do you keep it healthy?

Best wishes! Dinner today are some Hawaiian rolls and leftover pasta and my favorite flavor of kambucha. (Sage and rosemary i think)

I got my first UTI and I feel stupid