I constantly sexualize myself so that I won't feel lonely

I've always appeared rather feminine. Ever since I was a kid, people mistook me for a girl. My dad always called me things like "sissy" "glizzy gobbler"(his way of saying the f slur), etc. My mom was emotionally abusive and always talked down on me. Freshman year of high school I was sexually assaulted by two people who at the time I called friends. After that I was mentally checked out. I told no one for a long time and felt alone. I never tell anyone about my struggles because I always feel like I'm burdening them. After I was assaulted, I started going online. I'd post vaguely suggestive pics and wait for dms. I loved the feeling of being wanted. Men and women wanted me, fully aware that I was underage. I'd send them pictures that I'd rather not talk about. I still do this today and I hate myself for it. I hate that I want it. I hate loving seeking the attention of people who only want to use me to get off. I just want to feel loved.