Are you ever just numb to it all?

He swore he didn’t look at anything, I found in his emails he logged into it through a windows device and I got suspicious. Went to his house and checked his search history and found out he did in fact look at things through YouTube. Told me he turned on his YouTube search history and didn’t. I asked him on the Friday and Saturday if he had watched anything and he said no, but he did on Wednesday. I found it all and texted him. We talked during his lunch break and when he got home he didn’t want to talk about it. When I did he became defensive and his demeanour completely changed. But at least I didn’t flip out right? He said I was so kind and understanding.

That’s because I’m realising I either stay in this relationship accepting this will be a part of it or I just leave. So I already know it’s the latter but I’m just trying to convince myself at this point.