genuinely just done with life

Honestly i think im pretty close to committing which is ironic because im a christian. Ive searched up almost everything to suppress / change my thoughts but nothing even works. Im not going to get into detail but growing up im the community that I am in I just feel excluded and left out, I feel like im probably the worst person or least talented out of everyone compared to me. Whenever I tried something new I would just get shamed for it, I have like no “real” friends and nobody that I could/ want to talk to, not even my family. I feel so mentally drained that I just want to be at peace by leaving the world, I dont think anybody has genuinely like seriously “loved” me. Im about to be a senior next year and all that stress is already making me want to commit, I tried to distract myself but honestly that just delays the problem, ive also heard people say “just work on making your life better” and ive tried too improve my life but everytime i reach a peak i just fall back down. To be honest nobody would probably notice if I passed on, I know i sound like an idiot and someone who doesnt like anything but I just want my life to be over, Its impossible to leave my situation and I cant even explain it I just need to leave this earth and im going to start planning.