needing some encouragement :(

i’m on day 6 of my tonsillectomy (surgery was may 27th around 2:30 pm) and up until now the pain hasn’t been this miserable. i’m terrified to go to sleep because when i wake up, i’m in excruciating pain that radiates all throughout my head and up my ears. i’ve been crying all day and the way my throat looks is freaking me the hell out 😭 i knew this surgery would be brutal, but this was my first time having one and i feel so miserable and depressed, it feels impossible to remind myself that it WILL get better. i’m also extremely anxious about hemorrhaging and bleeding in general as i have a humongous phobia of blood so i can’t help but constantly check my throat even though i know i probably shouldn’t. i genuinely am regretting this so much, i’m starving and have barely eaten anything since i got my surgery because it feels physically impossible to get anything down that isn’t water. the only luck i had with food was the broth of chicken noodle soup that i put in the fridge to keep cold, but even now it hurts like hell to try eating it. ice cream hurts too, pudding, yogurt, everything 💔 i’m at the lowest point in my life and i genuinely don’t know how im supposed to pick myself up and keep going through the days (AND THE HOURS AND MINUTES) of this agonizing pain. how are you guys getting through this??? please i need any kind of encouragement or kind words or just someone to tell me to chill out 😭 i’m probably being extremely dramatic but my emotions are everywhere and i just feel so defeated and terrified every moment i am awake