How can God bless me with a partner when I mess up so much?

I want to start by saying I understand that anything God blesses us with isn't because we're worthy or because we've earned it.

That said, I often find myself wondering if I'm too messed up to be in a romantic relationship. I've never had a boyfriend, and as I'm getting older, it's becoming more frustrating hearing family ask when I'm going to start dating or get married.

I've genuinely tried over the past several years, but nothing has worked out. One thing I've struggled with is that it's hard for me to have a crush on a guy without my thoughts eventually going in an impure direction, which I know is connected to my past exposure to explicit content. For a long time, fantasies became an escape from reality and a way of coping with watching my friends get married, have kids, and live the life I want for myself.

I have taken steps to turn away from that. I got off social media, stopped playing simulation games like Sims 4, picked up hobbies and filled my schedule with activities to avoid falling into those temptations. But now I find myself liking a guy and struggling to think about him in a pure way.

Honestly, I'm mostly venting, but if anyone can relate or has advice, I'd appreciate hearing it.