Graped when I was 4-6 by my brother - hunting down court records

As the title states, my oldest brother did terrible things to me. I told my parents when I was around 10? To be honest, my childhood has massive black holes in it.

I know my parents did tell the police. He did serve time. But he was let out early.. And let out into my home when I was around 15. I had to pretend to be okay with it to not ruffle feathers, I’m a people pleaser and grown into having fits of anger. I think this has a lot to do with it.

My mom is extremely emotional and my dad is kind but too kind.. if that makes sense. I get this is their son, but the damage happened.

Im requesting the court documents because how the “justice” part happened makes no sense. Why was he let out? Why do I have a memory of being forced to care that his leg or whatever was in pain to make me write a letter to a judge that I forgave him when I didn’t. My parents have disputed this memory.

I’ll never get the answers unless the courts give it to me. Apparently they were able to expunge it behind my back. Will I still be able to get the documents?? I’m in Utah.

If this isn’t the right place, let me know.. I’ll post somewhere else. But I also can’t talk to many people about this. My parents would be/ could be hurt I’m digging into the past this way. I love them, they did report him and he was sent to jail. But I think they also bended things to help him.

Uncomfortable feelings.