AA: Accountability

I am an alcoholic and struggling with addiction for about 6 years. I have been with my husband for 2 1/2 years. I have done horrible things in active addiction like lie about drinking, hide alcohol, drive drunk, say horrible things, lost jobs, and even got physical with my husband. Last year, I went to treatment for the first time and thought I would only be there for 30 days and be "cured". After 30 days came and went, I said I wanted to stay longer because I was terrified of going back to drinking. I ended up staying for 5 months voluntarily because I wanted to learn as much as possible and be as prepared as possible. Since then, I have gotten into one of the best graduate programs to be come a LDAC, am active in AA, and have a full time job in a treatment center. I have talked to my husband endlessly about resentments he may have and have tried to get him to recover with me. This is not an ego stroke AT ALL. I am SO sick of hearing that I am not taking accountability for my actions and I just am ready to throw my hands up because it feels like impossible. I have cried almost every day from the guilt and shame I feel for what I've done in addiction, have worked my ass off to be the wife he deserves (I know I was an awful wife in addiction) but I STILL get told that I'm not taking accountability. I feel like I'm going insane and I don't know what to do. He drinks around me when I've asked him not to and he says he doesn't "need" to understand alcoholism and he has the choice of who he wants in his life. I just don't know what to do. I can't live my life with someone who doesn't "need" to understand my addiction and who constantly says I'm not taking accountability. I serioulsy don't know what I need to do to take accountability. Please help with any advice! I feel like I've done everything I know how to do except time travel back in time and redo everything.