Pregnancy is ruining me...

I don't know why I'm writing this, but I've been thinking about it for a few weeks and maybe I just need to get it off my chest. I'm not necessarily looking for advice, but maybe this will resonate with others and make them feel less alone. If anyone had a similar experience, I'd love to hear some positive outcomes. Or, if you're feeling similar, misery loves company I suppose.

FOREWORD: I am eternally grateful that I am pregnant. I know some women would kill to be in my position, and I feel so much empathy for women who are having trouble conceiving. I know "two things can be true at once" and "my feelings are valid", but I have guilt for thinking and writing this post. Sending endless love to those still waiting for their miracle babies.

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I (33f) am a first time mom, 24 weeks pregnant with my rainbow baby and I feel like this pregnancy is ruining me mentally and physically. In no particular order, I am experiencing excessive weight gain, exhaustion, nausea, insatiable hunger, carpal tunnel, round ligament pain, swelling, SI and sciatica pain, angry (and itchy) stretch marks on my belly, boobs, and back, insomnia, headaches, and acne. I'm super anxious for GD (testing in a few weeks) as well as preeclampsia. Everything birth terrifies me but we'll cross that bridge when I get to it. Things I am already doing:

• Daily electrolytes
• 100+ daily oz water
• Magnesium
• Prenatal vitamin
• Supportive belly band
• Wrist braces
• Chiropractic care and PT
• Skin lotions and oils
• SSRI
• Therapy
• Compression socks
• Heat & Ice
• Thoughtful eating (sort of...food is a comfort)

My clothes don't fit, my shoes don't fit, my rings don't fit, and I can hardly look in the mirror. Pre-pregnancy I was 165ish lbs at 5ft 8in. After my miscarriage I think I started around 180lbs during this second pregnancy. I stopped looking at the scale after it read 205lbs at 13 weeks....Every pregnant woman I know carries baby weight only with cute little basketball bellies, and here I am looking like a linebacker who tripled in size. As someone who was in great shape a year ago and has struggled with body image and eating disorders, the physical changes are incredibly difficult. We're going into the summer season and I am absolutely terrified what the future holds. And I'm not even in the third trimester yet...

All of this is taking a toll on my mental and physical health. I've had to call out of work, missed friends and family gatherings, cried more times than I can count, and just feel completely dissociated from myself.

I really want to believe I will "bounce back" in all senses of the phrase when this baby arrives. I debated having kids at all and I just want to be a good mother and experience the love everyone talks about. My husband is incredible and supportive but it doesn't help much. I pretty much had to give up exercise in the first trimester from pure exhaustion - I tried a little at the beginning of the second tri but now my back pain has me pretty incapacitated - not good for mental or physical health!

I'm just feeling so stuck and negative at this point. "Just get through it" is sort of my mentality at the moment and maybe that's OK. But man, being in the thick of it is so hard. I envy those who love pregnancy!