J

A message I know you won't want to hear but I have been desperate to share. If you ever find this, you will know it's for you because you will want to switch off and not read past the first line.

You've settled in life. You stopped putting effort into your appearance, you don't do any of the things that you enjoy anymore and you are with someone you aren't suited to.

Why? Because genuine emotions scare you, happiness scares you, because you never feel good enough. So you settle for people, places and jobs that do not raise those voices of self doubt that flow in your mind. The same voices that turned you sour and projected it onto me. That were validated by everyone around you in the biased stories you told them, so they could also unknowingly keep those voices at bay.

I never told you the pain you caused me because seeing you do this to yourself, it's a self-inflicted karma that haunts me. Nothing I could say could ever come close to what you have done to yourself. I know if it hasn't already happened, one day, you are going to wake up and look at the life you built and that reality will hit so hard. And thats not what I want for you.

I am sorry that you had to demonise me in order to stop those thoughts spiralling, but I am done taking the fall. Life is too short for the path you are going down. I hope you realise that before it's too late. Despite all that happened between us, it's like you said, every time we see each other it's like we fall in love all over again. Do you truly think I would reciprocate that sentiment if you were as bad as you think you are? Everyone has their faults, please learn to forgive yourself and find true happiness. I loved you at your worst because your worst was still perfect to me. I wish you saw you how I saw you.

Take care.