I realized he doesn’t love me the same way…

I’ve come to the unfortunate realization that my partner doesn’t love me the same way I love him. For background, my partner and I have been dating for a few months. My partner has some undiagnosed autistic/ADHD tendencies and I’m neurotypical, but we’re still pretty compatible and agree on the major tenets for our lives. However, due to a previous relationship that was toxic, my bf has some emotional trauma that he hasn’t fully worked through. It has put sort of a strain on our relationship that is coloring an otherwise wonderful journey for us. We love each other, but our love languages are completely different. Plus, he won’t let me help him work through his issues as a partnership, as he was taught to work through things on his own.

My previous relationships weren’t that great but I did end up on amicable terms with all of my exes, and prior to meeting my bf I was single for 4+ years. I had also spent a bit of time healing myself and working to be a better partner for future relationships. He had a child during his previous toxic relationship, and he did not spend enough time (his own recognizance) healing prior to getting on dating apps.

Recently, after our worst argument so far, we agreed to take some time apart. It hurt me a lot, as silence and space doesn’t agree with my approach to working through issues. He preferred space, and it showed me that, along with other actions from him, he doesn’t love me the same way I love him. I think of us as a partnership, but he uses language as if he is still a single person, such as when we discuss future life goals or travel plans. He also told me that he felt that he is losing his self identity from fatherhood and in our relationship, as people don’t ask him how he’s doing and they ask about his child or about me if we’re not around. This is completely understandable and I want to help him with through his frustrations.

We’ve discussed individual and couples therapy for the both of us, but he hasn’t made the effort to actually live forward with it. I think I have to pull away from our relationship to save my sanity and preserve my emotional wellbeing. I don’t know if our relationship will survive, and it hurts my heart to even think that way. I don’t rely on him for anything but companionship as I make a lot more than he does and I also was able to save quite a bit of money from patents I earned in college. He isn’t meeting my emotional/intimate needs for our relationship, but he is constantly supporting his female friends and family members with their emotional issues. This makes me feel left off to the side, as he probably sees me as emotionally stable and not in need of intimacy. It also doesn’t help that I have a higher sex drive than he does, and sexual incompatibility is a big concern of mine for the future.

He said that he wants to fight for our relationship as he’s never met another woman like me that doesn’t rely on him financially and that I tick all of the boxes he’s looking for in a partner. However, by him choosing to take time apart, I feel like he decided not to fight for us. I swallowed my pride after our argument and bared my soul to him, reiterating that I wanted us to work on our issues as a team through communication and honesty. He thinks space is the answer, but if I can go without him for a period of time, then what’s the point of continuing our relationship? I don’t need him for anything but companionship, and if he’s not fulfilling this need for me, then I’m better off alone in my book.

I just want someone that will love me like I deserve. Maybe we’ll pull through this, and I really hope we can. He doesn’t like difficult conversations, and I wonder if I’m not meeting his needs either. He won’t communicate enough to let me know. I wish I could read his thoughts to make us better, but that’s just wishful thinking.

I also wonder if he’ll happen across this post, as he is an avid user. He doesn’t know my username or follow me on here, so who knows.

TL;DR: my bf and I are not on the same page emotionally, and I think we may end up separating if we can’t work through this.