I just cant let go of her

Shes giving me so many chances to figure out myself and my inability to communicate and my constant ghosting but and shes gotten fed up with me after i ghosted her for a month and a half and broke up with me and its been a while now and ive been nonstop thinking sbout it every waking moment ive lost appetite over this knowing its all my fault and how i wish i showed up and listened to her she put up with so much of my behavior but i dont know what the fuck is actually wrong with me i dont even avoid her alone i avoid everyone got periods at a time thats not normal ive been trying to work on it for her but nothings working man im feeling desperate i dont want to lose her we havent even broken up officially we just arent even speaking shes not answering my phone or picking up and im afraid that im waiting and shes already moved on