My 2 year old English bulldog passed away..

Does grief get any better? My English bulldog Ekko died on Sunday after 4 days in icu, from complications from his BOAS surgery..on Sunday they told me it was time to euthanize him , so I drove over there,my husband didn’t want to come he was to emotional, and so i went I held his paw and told him that I loved him, and that I would watch over his sister, and it was okay to go.. and I started singing his lullaby that I have to sing to him every night quietly in his ear while I was hugging him, and then the doctor started explaining the euthanasia process and within five seconds he died on his own. No euthanasia, the doctor said he definitely waited for me, waited for his mama to be there with him so he wasn’t scared… I just can’t even breathe without him, I feel so guilty getting the surgery, I feel so sick I haven’t eaten in 4 days.. I just feel like I need someone to sedate me.. i need him to live.. HE WAS ONLY 2 years old