I don’t think I want to be “best friends” with my childhood best friend of 17 years anymore

SORRY FOR THE LONG POST. I’m not good at chronological stories, but here we go.

For a little context, me and said friend met in pre-k. We’re both 21 within a month. Since we were young, I can always remember everything pretty much being about her. She won the pageants and the talent shows, she was the sweet curly haired pretty little girl, I was always just the sidekick. Anything we did was what she wanted to do. If she needed me, I was right there. I’d drop everything for her. If I needed her, it was an “I’ll see what I can do” type situation, and mostly ended up with her forgetting. In middle school, she stole some of my makeup. I caught her, she lied. I was dating a guy (yes I know middle school doesn’t count) and she liked him. “She liked him first” but she never spoke to him unless I was around. Cool. I broke up w him so they could be together. They never got together. He and I got back together in high school. It just didn’t work out, and she got mad bc he wouldn’t date her. I had a guy best friend for years. We finally decided to give it a go sophomore year. He and I started talking. It went well for a few months, and then he just kinda “oh yeah I’ve got a girlfriend now” outta nowhere. Totally blindsided, she and him were together. Cool. I called her out again, but she denied ever knowing I liked him, although she had moved between middle and high school, so he was all I talked about on the phone, he and I were inseparable. We were “best friends” but long distance, she lived 1-2 hours away, so I’d normally end up driving up to see her. Or have my mom drive me. We met her halfway maybe twice in the many many times we stayed at her house. She drove down once last summer, and even then I paid for coffee and our crafts and activities. I normally end up paying for stuff, which I don’t mind, but she’s not as broke as she makes herself out to be, her parents give her plenty. It’s the same old story for years. We graduate high school and try to stay close friends. I’m dating a guy freshman year of college, and she doesn’t like him, and makes it obvious. It was fair, we broke up and I messed around a little bit, and she ended up confiding in me that she did too. But since then she’s shamed me for it. She says I’ve hated all her boyfriends and shamed her for things she did, and I told her that I had NO room to judge because I’ve done way worse things way earlier than she had. If you guys can’t tell, it’s a pretty one sided relationship. I tried my best to be encouraging and supportive, and can admit, I was probably harsh in high school but I’ve since apologized multiple times. She’s not once apologized because she doesn’t think she’s done anything wrong. She “holds me accountable as a sister in Christ” which is really just intensely slut shaming me with select vocabulary. She dates her husband for 9 months before getting married. She tells me that the wedding will be just close family, since it’s very fast and they are living with her parents since they’re basically broke. Considering how close we’d been our whole lives, I thought I was family, but cool, I get that being 19 and broke and getting married can be alot. I tried to explain to her that our friendship had been one sided for a long time, maybe a week before she gets engaged (a month before said wedding) and she denies everything. Even tho I have screenshots and specific dates and details, she’s still done nothing wrong. I’m just a terrible friend and jealous because I hate my life and have always. So wedding day comes, pics are posted. She has friends and family. After telling me no friends were allowed. Okay cool, we just don’t talk anymore. A few months go by and she wants to try to apologize and become friends again and “fix” what’s gone wrong. Conveniently right before she gets pregnant and her husband is in and out of the hospital with mental health issues at the ripe age of 20. (That poor guy, bless his sweet heart.) so I say we can try but I can’t promise anything bc I’m really hurt. Once I agree to softly try to rekindle the friendship, she just goes straight back to normal. The trauma dumps, the one sidedness, toxicity. She accused me of lying when I got into an accident and didn’t tell her til later that night because “I’ve been known to fib” yet she played a prank on me at least once a year about being pregnant since we were 17. April fools, mother day, etc. Now that she’s been married for 3 months, she ends up pregnant, “accidentally” although they were doing absolutely nothing to prevent it. I congratulated her, but that’s about it. She continues to believe we’re just hunky dory, best friends, like nothing ever happened. But her reckless spending and poor choices, whether financially or concerning her health as a pregnant woman, or otherwise, concern me greatly. As in I fear she may not maintain custody of her child because of the way she doesn’t seem to absorb the seriousness of having a child and being a parent and being responsible for not only herself but her child. She barely accepts her own responsibility, and I’ve tried to explain this to her and how I feel, and I always end up the bad guy. I think I need to cut the friendship off before she has the baby. I love her so much but can’t keep being drained by a friendship that has been long dead on my end. My family hasn’t ever liked her, none of my friends did, I didn’t have birthday parties as a teen because I couldn’t invite her AND my other friends because they refused to come if she was there. So it was just me and her against the world. But that was only in my head. She’s due in late October- early November. Do I go to the baby shower and celebrate and wish her well and just continue my life? Or do I continue to put in real effort to try and heal the friendship even tho it still feels totally one sided? Or what? I’m really conflicted and I love her so much but it hurts so bad to try to be friend and defend her to my family and friends or even my boyfriend when I know deep down she’s not good for me. Help me please. I love her.

Thank you for reading this far, any advice would be nice, and if I’m crazy, feel free to say so, cause I feel crazy. Just be honest.